Next Time You Travel, Pack an Auntie
Living "it takes a village" with Lisa Sibbett from the Auntie Bulletin.
Every month, I’ll be bringing you interviews from travel experts/caregivers from around the globe as part of Travel with Toddlers—because as we all know, every! kid! is! different! I want to include a wide range of voices here, so if you or someone you know would like to be featured, comment/reply and let me know.
I grew up in a small family. There was no gaggle of cousins milling about at a cookout. I’m five years older than the next youngest kid, so it usually meant me corralling a group of kiddos while the adults hung out somewhere else. (My camp-counselor motherhood style origin story.)
That group of kiddos? Not usually related to me. Instead of blood relatives I grew up with a huge mix of aunties and uncles that I didn’t find out weren’t my “real” relatives until high school.
I’m still the oldest, which means in my extended “family” I’m the first to have a child, and so my toddler has the extremely lucky fortune to be doted upon not just by his actual grandparents but a slew of grand-aunties and uncles. Building upon the village my parents started has been some of the most difficult and rewarding invisible labor I’ve done as a mother, and I think it’s essential to surviving (and thriving) in our current era.
That’s why I was so excited to interview Lisa Sibbett, from the Auntie Bulletin. She’s a brilliant writer and educator, on how she travels with the kids in her life.
Lisa Sibbett on Travel with Toddlers
What’s more, I think she’s doing real work to demystify how to be an auntie for friends and family that may feel like they can’t bridge the gap between friends with kids and without kids. This viral essay made the rounds a while back about this topic, but I’m sure you’ve felt it as a parent or caregiver—I know I have, when my childfree friends don’t understand why I can’t go out on a random Tuesday.
This substack is meant to be lighthearted. Travel is an escape, after all. But I do find myself grappling with the systems that make parenthood so difficult, that make me feel like if I just buy the right stuff it’ll all be easier. Lisa nails it:
The dominant model of kinship in the United States – the nuclear family model – expects each household to fend for themselves. This is not only unsustainable for parents, it’s also lonely. In my experience, genuinely connecting with children may help their parents feel a little less alone, a little more like people have their back. I want my loved ones who are raising kids to feel seen and supported, to be able to trust that there are many adults who love and will always care for their children. All people who are raising kids should get to feel that.
I’m quite jealous of the little ones that have her as an auntie. Here’s how Lisa approaches traveling with toddlers as designated auntie on board:1
Tell me a little bit about your role as an auntie, and your general travel style when you’re with the kids in your life.
My general travel style is, I'm very low key. My partner and I really like to plan almost nothing for trips that we go on. We just like, get there. We try to be sort of our lodging as close as possible to the sites we want to see, and that’s it. We take an annual trip to Mexico, for example, and we just try to stay really close to the beach and make it as easy for ourselves as possible. So ease and convenience are my top priorities.
When traveling with kids, which I definitely have done quite a bit of, it’s very much the same. With little kids you need a pool, or some unstructured, low key way for them to play and not be all scheduled out. Ideally you want it to be, let’s play in the pool, let’s play at the beach. Even if you do go to a busier place, like we’re doing my sister’s 40th birthday at Disneyland, and we still have downtime scheduled.
What’s your biggest piece of travel advice for toddlers and little kids?
When you're a non-parent traveling with families, you don't have to do any of the heavy lifting. I'm not the one who's making the phone calls to different resorts trying to figure out what the childcare situation is. I'm not the one who's planning ahead for the plane and figuring out what snack packs I need to to organize, or how I'm going to deal with the screen time, or finding headphones that fit. I just show up.
So I think one of the best pieces of advice I have for parents is to pack an auntie, because I can be there to run interference all the time. I can be silly with them when otherwise the kid would be melting down.
How do you fit in with the parents, in terms of play and discipline, so you’re still helping?
The most important thing is to know the parents well enough to know what their preferences are, and their overall parenting style. I typically travel with close family or friends, and I try to have a conversation ahead of time about their kids before we go on the trip. But you can also get a read on what parenting “looks like” with them ahead of time.
Most of my friends, I’m very involved. I’m happy to tell kids to knock it off if they’re doing something they shouldn’t. Sometimes with Auntiehood, you’re able to get through to the kids more quickly than a parent can.
The best place to travel with toddlers is…
We go to a town called Bucerias, which is just like half an hour cab ride north of Puerto Vallarta. It’s one of the primary destinations for humpback whales in the winter, so it’s got awesome whale watching, and lots of kid-friendly beaches. It’s gorgeous, just so easy to get there from the west coast.
Another thing I love about Bucerias is it's not a party town. It’s lots of retirees and families who are visiting, and we see tons of abuelas on the beach with their families, taking care of the kids. I go there with kids almost every year.
It’s important to recognize that lots of different adults can offer different pieces of wisdom and experiences to your child. I think you need that communal instinct, and that exposure to other styles of interacting with kids. That also raises another category I think about often, which is helping strangers when you’re traveling. If I see a family where the kids are melting down in the airport, and they’re clearly having a tough time, do you intervene? I have this conversation with my friends all the time, and there’s no right answer. I always want to offer, and sometimes feel too awkward. But I’d always rather offer. 🤗
Thank you so much, Lisa! Embracing community is so important. I once had a very nice nine-year-old chat up my toddler and help him up onto a bench while we were waiting for a train, and his mom kept scolding him for “bothering us.” No!!! My toddler was in awe of this big kid, who told him all about how trains work and was so gentle with my toddler’s constant questioning. Small talk is the foundation of community building! And also, I learned something too. That’s what real life is about.
On to this week’s recs:
This week’s rapid-fire recs.
Disclosure: This section may contain affiliate links, meaning I get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through my links, at no cost to you. I promise I’ll only ever recommend products I’ve actually used and loved.
I love Lisa’s insightful essays, like this one on how to help friends with a newborn.
Have you seen this parenting “hack” gaining steam? We’re planning on doing this when our toddler is a little older.
Lawn playdates + water balloons = lots of fun. (Bonus: I had a full adult conversation for more than 30 seconds!!)
I spit out my drink laughing so hard.
Thanks for being here.
Our first beach visit, courtesy of one of my toddler’s aunties.
I’ve had the incredible honor of traveling with many of my aunties over the years, and for regular playdates with them even now. One of my favorite things I like to do is hit up a local diner for pancakes and run it out at a nearby park. It’s become such a special ritual with my toddler, and it’s so fun to see how much joy my toddler brings to others in my extended “family.”
I know building a village takes work. I’m still working on it, trying to find local mom friends that click with both me *and* their kid(s) with my toddler. But the more I reach out, the deeper my roots go down here in town, and the more fun we’re able to have. If you feel totally stretched thin, one of the easiest ways to build kinship ties is to send photos. (You’re already taking a million anyway.) I’ve never regretted sending joyful, silly snapshots of toddlerhood out into the world, or randomly Facetiming family members during dinner.
Send the text,
Kayla
Thank you for supporting Travel with Toddlers! If you liked this issue, please like it, share it, subscribe, or you can buy me a coffee. It really does mean a lot. I’m just a mom in the thick of the toddler years trying to create core memories for our whole family while minimizing meltdowns—I sincerely hope this helps you do the same.
This interview has been lightly edited for brevity and clarity.